[I have so many unpublished draft posts between the last time I posted and now, but I can’t keep up with myself so I’m jumping ahead. I’ll continue to review and publish chronologically as I get to them.]
This cannot be the world we want to raise our children in. Thankfully for now, my child is too young to observe, note, or understand the atrocities taking place (in Gaza principally but not solely), but how can we explain to them how we are watching this horror show unfold like it’s just another Netflix series?
I grew up during the Balkan War, hearing phrases like “ethnic cleansing” without understanding what they meant. In a pre-Web 2.0 world, our sources of news were limited, but I got the message from mainstream TV news that soldiers were killing normal people and destroying their homes. Even this strikingly obvious message appears to be a bridge too far for many mainstream news outlets these days, as some convoluted notion of “balance” prevents them from calling a spade a spade.
So it falls on social media to speak truth to power. Citizen journalism has never been more important to us all, especially as we move further into the dynamics of total corruption that is increasingly normalized within late-stage capitalism, where the corruption of truth is becoming more evident. Yet navigating the veritable torrent of content is becoming an overwhelming task in its own right. How do we consume and digest social media as parents, in order to pass relevant and appropriate news onto our children? There are just so many versions of truth out there!
- For me, the first pass is simply whether the news outlet in question ever criticizes colonialism. If not, they’re unlikely to be critical of capitalism or white supremacy, and I don’t trust them to deliver news that has not been sanitized to not offend. (I don’t care if my identity is negatively correlated to the news, if it’s reporting something that has taken place. I completely agree that China is a neo-imperialist juggernaut, and don’t feel personally attacked by criticism of its predatory investment and intervention in the Global South. It’s important to me that I raise my child to be open to criticism of their nation or skinfolk, without seeing this as something that needs to be valiantly defended against.)
- I need representation in my content. I look for news outlets which feature people from a variety of backgrounds (yes, race/ethnicity and culture/geography, but also areas of expertise, accent, gender presentation) because I feel more comfortable around a plurality of perspectives. Of course there’s a thin line between diversity and tokenism, but I’ll generally trust a news account that has a range of voices over one that doesn’t. I want my child to believe we are better together, even though this mess of a planet isn’t the strongest evidence for my case – yet!
- And well, right now, I need my news sources to explicitly use the word “genocide”. If they’re afraid to call a spade a spade, then what use do I have for them?
So now I’ve got my inputs calibrated, how am I processing this and sharing it with my child? Well, truthfully, I’m not. He’s a whole half-a-year old, so that’s not giving me much to work with. But let’s be real, this is not the last genocide we are gonna witness in our lifetimes (tbh even as I write this there isn’t just one genocide taking place), so here’s my plan for sharing generally terrible news about our world with my child, formulated from my years of being a youth and community worker:
- Ask them whether there’s anything they’re worried or anxious about right now. Kids often know way more than we think, and major world events have a tendency to bleed into everyday consciousness. They may not be able to explicitly identify the exact events that are taking place, but their anxieties may be connected in some way. Let them share their worries and reveal their insights first. So much of our job as parents is to sit with our children as they feel emotions and process big thoughts, whether that’s sitting silently and still, walking in nature, kicking or hitting a ball around, creating something new, or cuddling and crying. Letting our children lead is one of the greatest challenges and joys of parenthood.
- Using a world map, talk about the parts of the world where major events are taking place. Discuss the geography, ecology, some history, and parts of the culture, maybe playing some music or watching a movie made in that country, or cooking a dish together with ingredients or flavours from the region. Create a sense of place and connection with the people and their lives before talking about them as though they’re characters in a TV series.
- Define the terms. When I was a child, “ethnic cleansing” was just a phrase. Nobody explained what it meant, or broke it down into relatable concepts. Of course it’s a terrible thing, but it’s also happening in the world that we all live in. Could it have triggered nightmares or unlocked new fears? Possibly. But then we talk about those under Point 1. Our fear of emotional labour should not be the reason we keep our children in the dark about their world.
- We return to Point 1. Some of this news is heartbreaking and soul-wrenching for us as adults, so we shouldn’t expect children to be unaffected. Especially if we have built a picture of the humanity of the people affected by the events we are conveying, we should expect our children to feel empathy and grief. This is an opportunity to model and iterate on how we process big feelings. These tools are essential for our lives, and it’s never too early to begin working on them.
Reminder: this is not a regimented step-by-step process. Like all parenting, it’s messy and convoluted and by-the-seat-of-your-pants. Give yourself grace! Take time for your own healing, for self-care where needed, and find the support you need to provide the support your children need.
And finally, hold your children close and give thanks to your universe or deities that you’re raising them in a place where you have to explain these things.
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
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