One of the things I underestimated I would struggle with when I started writing about parenting is that I’m so reluctant to act like I know what I’m going when I’m in the process of discovering it!
This whole experience of raising a curious, kind, empathic multicultural kid is entirely new to me. I started writing about it because I’m hoping to connect with other people working through a similar experience (or who already have done so), and in order to do that I need to keep writing – but I also have no real clue what I’m doing and how any of it is gonna turn out.
This always crosses my mind when I go to share something that we’ve been doing. Although we pick our path mindfully when it comes to parenting, there are no guarantees that it will lead us to the destination we seek. After all, I’ve taken many wrong turns in my life with good intentions…
So when writing about the way we observe holidays and feast days, I want to highlight that I have no idea whether this is going to work out as hoped. I’m aiming for an open-minded, informed, and tolerant child, and I hope this is who we will nurture, but I am also aware of my own limitations and faults.
Our family is a blend of three continents and three main ethnicities. We also have secondary cultures, but when it comes to holidays we will primarily observe the ones that are significant in China, the US, and Celtic Britain, while taking note of main religious holidays in Islam, Christianity, Hinduism, and Judaism, some of which are reflected in the public holidays where we live.
As we enter the holiday/festive season in the West, here is how our holidays will break down:
- 31 October: Samhain/Halloween + 1 November: Toussaint
- Currently the festival where kids dress as skeletons and run around the village gathering candy from the small number of houses that greet them with lights and decor, this will become a more complex discussion of death and superstitions. I’ll probably also use it to build a mental bridge to Toussaint Louverture and the Haitian Revolution.
- 4th Thursday in November: Thanksgiving
- Our baby is currently too young to understand the origins of this holiday, but as a festivity that is shared by half of his family it’s important to us that we raise him with the awareness of what it symbolizes. As multiple genocides are taking place in the world right now, it feels right to take this day of genocide memorial and expand its meaning.
- 5 December: Sinterklaas
- This is another complicated one. My elderly Dutch father lives nearby and delighted in indoctrinating my sister and I into the traditions of Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet when we were children. He wants to observe this tradition with his grandson, while I am very wary of the blatant racism of Zwarte Piet becoming normalized for a child who is being raised in another European country. My approach will be to discuss the racist context of the festival, and use this as an opportunity to explain the geographies of Europe and Africa, as well as The Netherlands’ role in the Transatlantic Slave Trade.
- 21 December: 冬至/Dōngzhì/Winter Solstice
- A traditional Chinese winter festival, we celebrate this with 冬至糰/dōngzhìtuán (winter solstice dumplings) and 湯圓/tangyuan (glutinous rice balls). It’s a simple family-oriented festival observing the Midwinter, with emphasis on togetherness and connection. There’s really not much to break down, so we will focus instead on appreciating the season with seasonal crafts and foods.
- 25 December: Christmas
- While we are not going to be observing every festival in any faith calendar, Christmas is now such a secular/cultural holiday that it feels obtuse not to commemorate it in some way. It overlaps heavily with Yule and Winter Solstice and shares such similar themes, that we already treat it as an extension of the same holidays. The only difference is that this is the holiday that has all the movies and music dedicated to it! Baby loves Christmas lights, and everyone loves Christmas trees, so we hope to let him enjoy the sparkle and magic while he’s young.
- 31 December: Hogmanay/New Year’s Eve
- This is my favourite opportunity to fully embrace our Western European background, as both Scottish and Dutch traditions involve house parties and merriment. There’s no need to overthink every holiday, especially when it’s an opportunity to reflect, celebrate, and hope. We all need the joy!
- February-ish: 新年/Lunar New Year/Spring Festival (春節) + 十五暝/Chap Goh Meh/Fifteenth Night
- This is The One, which everything else is leading up to. Two weeks that mark the end of our festival season (but not the end of the festivals!) and end with the biggest family feast of the year. There’s a big focus on ancestors and paying respects to those who shared our journey to where we are today. As well as hanging lanterns and giving red packets, we have domestic traditions to welcome the start of Spring. There are a lot of taboos and superstitions but we keep what serves us and leave the rest, e.g. we clean the house beforehand, get haircuts and new clothes for the occasion, but we don’t worry about running water or burn effigies. This is a time for looking back beyond just the year before us, and for looking ahead beyond just the year in front of us.
Balancing all these festivals and traditions with awareness is going to be a challenge, for sure! I remember the excitement of family gatherings as a kid, and knowing that we don’t have as many cousins in the next generation I realize that it’s up to me to pass on that sense of occasion and being in the moment.
As much as I want to instill a sense of responsibility, reflection, and connection in everything we do, I recognize this needs to happen in proportion to the magic of childhood, too.
Most of our teaching moments will be gradually introduced over the years, some more intensely than others. The colonial ones sit uncomfortably with me, but they exist in the world we all share, so at least I have responsibility to let him see them in their true light, then make his own choices. Not all festivals are created equal.
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